I haven't been an example of good eating since I was about 12 years old. It started in my teen years when I discovered I could use food as a way to upset my parents. It was something that I had control over and something that they couldn't do anything about. I rarely ate breakfast, no matter how hard they tried to convince me to (often they had left for work before I went to school so I'm not even sure that they realized that I wasn't eating. I spent most of high school existing on muffins, sunflower seeds and water. Although I did always eat dinner. This did have an effect on me in that my studies were poor, my period rarely came and I could go entire years without one. I didn't feel good about myself, and it was the start of my poor relationship with food.
In college I continued these poor eating habits. My first year was very difficult on me, I wasn't ready to leave home and I'm sure that it was at this time that I experienced my first bout with depression. I was rarely eating, and what I was eating although not unhealthy wasn't the type of food that I was going to get any real nutrition out of, mostly things like Mr. Noodles and Frozen foods. One of my memories from this time that stands out the most was going home for Christmas and everyone telling how great I looked. If only they knew that it was due to starving myself.
My second year was when I established the eating habits that I still fall back on today. I still wasn't eating breakfast but I did start to eat lunch and dinner. The problem being that I had discovered how easy it was to buy lunch and dinner that was prepared by someone other than me. I would eat Harvey's, Subway, and Wendy's. My favourites were poutine, Blt's, doritos, pepsi and chocolate. By the time I was 23 I was about 50lbs overweight. I was single, lonely, bored, unhealthy and unhappy.
When I turned 26 I finally managed to follow a healthy eating plan and enjoy exercising. During this time I took off 50lbs, and managed to keep it off for about 1year but I started to slip into old habits again and eventually stopped excercising and started eating poorly again. Unfortunately by this time I was married and felt the need to hide what I ate and it was at this time that I started hiding the evidence of the bad food I was eating. I would hide the food wrappers under other items in the garbage, inside of bags, and made sure to wash all evidence of poor eating off of dishes. I would also hide bags of chips and chocolates in various places around the house to be eaten later.
I joined WW for the fist time when I was 30. It was a great success for me. I found it easy to follow, I enjoyed it and I also started up exercise again at this time. My first attempt at WW I lost 45lbs, and kept it off until I became pregnant with my first child. When I became pregnant with my 2nd child I started to slip back into old habits and used the pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever I liked. Unfortunately after the birth of my 2nd daughter I suffered from Post Pardum Depression that went undiagnosed for 2years. During this time I sunk into a deep depression, I lost all enjoyment in exercise and my eating habits were worse than ever. By the time I was diagnosed I weighed in at 260lbs. Once again I turned to exercise and WW to help get things back in control. Between Feb.2010 and July 2010 I lost 50lbs. I felt better than ever and was thrilled with my success. Unfortunately I felt that 50lbs was a great achievement but was tired of always thinking about what I had to eat, which meant that I stopped following the plan, started slipping into old habits and between August 2010 and today I have put 15lbs back on.
I am coming to the realization that although I may have set backs WW and exercise is a life change for me and something that I have to find a way to come to terms with, so that I can take off the excess weight once and hopefully for all. I KNOW that I CAN do it and I need to take PRIDE in that, and focus on the benefits I receive by putting healthy eating and exercise first in my life.
I will be using this blog to chart my progress, get down on paper how I'm feeling day to day, and as a tool for my ultimate success over unhealthy eating habits and weight gain. I want to be able to say I am a Success Story at the end of my journey.
Jacquie
